Whatever Happens
by opheliadrowned
Summary: Kaneki has escaped the sewers, yet he still finds himself encased in darkness. Luckily for him, there's a bright light nearby in the form of a human named Hide. Will Kaneki carry out his plan?


Darkness. It stretched on into infinity, etched in his mind. Or perhaps the world really did go black. There was an endless list of possibilities. Reality wouldn't fit neatly in his mind either. The walls grew strange shapes and terrifying noises morphed into figures, which developed faces and leaped at him. The worst part was that all the monsters looked like humans.

"It's my body! It's mine," he yelled. "You can't take it from me!" Because everyone was suddenly scratching at his skin. He couldn't think. His head was pounding from all the voices. And among the overwhelming volume filling his head, he distinguished one voice from the rest.

"Yo Kaneki!"

But it was all in his head. Because the voice couldn't be real. Everything was in his head. His poor pounding skull, which felt like it was about to rip off. Nothing made sense.

"What's with the getup? That style in these days?"

_No no no no no. This was all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong._

"All this time you had to suffer like this..." The face that had materialized in the dark this time was a figment of his imagination. Because that fiery hair and those familiar brown eyes that never lacked in warmth-they couldn't be real. Hide couldn't be here. It was an illusion. Because if it wasn't, that would mean... It would mean...

"I already knew, man."

He couldn't breathe. Everything had been sucked out of him at this point. The twisting in his stomach was more painful than ever.

"I want to help you!"

Suddenly, the fear was back and greater than ever. He couldn't lose Hide. That would be worse than anything else. That would ruin everything. He couldn't lose Hide. The fear struck him in the throat and squeezed his skin raw.

"Hide," he gasped. "I hear these voices... Run away or I'll..."

"Sorry... Can you fight with all you've got for one more time?"

And then the darkness overcame his head, and he surrendered to the abyss.

When Kaneki woke up, he couldn't see anything. The world was encased in darkness. It terrified him. He reached out with feeble hands, and slowly but surely, he could feel himself regaining his senses. There was soft fabric underneath his fingers, and the scent of coffee brewing wafted between his nostrils.

The unawareness of his surroundings was what terrified him. Something could pop out at any moment, and he'd be vulnerable; an easy victim. Fear grappled his throat, and tears stung at his eyes. He couldn't be a victim. Not anymore. He was supposed to be strong! But how would he be able to do anything when he couldn't even see straight?

Then, the most frightening thought occurred to him. Kanou could be back. What if everything that had happened was merely a dream? It wasn't uncommon that Kaneki would wake up in total darkness, confused and scared, when the door opened, finally letting in some light and the cruelty of a monster.

He couldn't help the sob from tearing from his throat. The thought of more pain disturbed him. Oh, how he wished for sanctuary. For some peace. He didn't care where-as long as this awful darkness was gone. When the sound of footsteps neared, he froze up and his eyes dried. His fingers struggled to grab the flimsy blanket, and when he tried to sit up, his muscles burned with exhaustion.

He could barely move! How was he supposed to defend himself? Despair clogged his throat, and he wanted to sob again. He shut his eyes from the fear and tried to distance himself from it. If he wasn't there, then nothing could hurt him. He didn't exist. Numbers existed, but not him. Two hundred twenty-five. Two hundred twenty-six. Two hundred twenty-seven...

"Kaneki?"

Two hundred twenty-eight. Two hundred twenty-nine.

"Kaneki, it's me. Hide."

Two hundred thirty. Two hundred thirty-one.

"I'm right here, okay? I'll always be here. You don't have to suffer anymore."

There was a pause before something brushed his hair from his face. The soft touch on his cheek was a surprise. He jerked back as if it burned him. His skin felt like it was on fire, and there was a buzzing filling his ears. The nightmare wasn't over yet. He kept his eyes screwed shut.

There was another pause before the familiar voice spoke again. "No one's going to hurt you again. I swear it on my life." The voice trembled a bit. "I won't let them."

Then the footsteps retreated, and the sound of the door creaked closed. He was enveloped in darkness once again. He was waiting for the monsters to pop out. His muscles wouldn't tense. His mind wouldn't shut up. So he kept his eyes shut, although they kept leaking like broken pipes.

The next time Kaneki woke up, he could see. The mere presence of vision dramatically changed everything. He almost sobbed in relief once he was aware of how utterly blind he had been. The world was still thriving in color. He was even more relieved than the world hadn't faded to black yet.

He was lying on a thin mattress, which would explain the flimsy material of the fabric from earlier. There was a small wooden nightstand next to it, and a slightly larger dresser behind it. The room was empty for the most part; if you could even consider it a room. It was more akin to a temporary residence; not a real home.

The warm aroma of coffee was still wafting through the room, arousing him from the comfort of dreamless sleep. The scent was stronger than before. Kaneki moved his limbs, and pleasantly found that he could move. His muscles ached and protested, but if the need arose, he would be able to maneuver enough for a decent defense strategy.

Kaneki remained crouched against the wall for the remainder of the time. Strangely, he wasn't hungry. It was then when he noticed the taste of blood in his mouth. His mind went blank. What had happened? He remembered crawling into the sewers after the fight with Amon. Then something surreal happened; he had seen Hide. But that was a dream, wasn't it?

A cold rush suddenly shot through him. It had to have been a dream. His fingers trembled. What had he done? He couldn't have... No. _No_. To do that was unspeakable, unthinkable. Hide was his best friend. The thought of _eating him_ was horrendous. He simply imagined it. But then where did the blood come from? How did he get here?

Answers were needed. And the only way to get them was through that door. Slowly, Kaneki rose from the bed and lightly stood on his feet. The weight was startling, and he had to try a few times of getting the hang of walking normally again. Even then, he was shocked at how much he had regressed in such a short time. Why wasn't his regeneration ability working at its normal speed? What even was his normal speed? Kanou usually gave him a large meal after every 'exercise' to speed up the process. That brought him back to the question of how he had received his meal, and how much of it had he eaten?

Determined to figure things out, Kaneki walked unsteadily to the door. After a moment's hesitation, he lifted a hand to the cold knob and twisted it slowly. Once the door was open a creak, he peaked through cautiously. It was a rather small apartment.

Once nothing had popped out at him, and his confidence grew, Kaneki took a couple more steps into the unfamiliar lair. He couldn't exactly say it was cold and unwelcoming, because it was the opposite. Warm bright shades met his gaze. An abundance of mellow orange and green soaked his eyes, along with soft edged antiques and simplistic designs.

His nose directed him to the cup of coffee, still warm and welcoming on the counter. Kaneki briefly wondered if that was for him. It couldn't be. These things didn't come easy to him. He expected to be tied up somewhere cold and forgotten. How could this have happened?

Deciding it wouldn't hurt anyone, Kaneki reached out for the coffee and took a sip. It tasted... good. The hints of a ghost smile appeared on his face. He had forgotten about these simple pleasures of life. He had missed them so much. It reminded him of his old life; with the books he once cared so much for and his schoolwork and his friends at _Anteiku_. It all felt so vastly far away. Like commercial flickers of a movie he had watched a long time ago. Familiar yet foreign.

His eyes roamed the area. The apartment complex was simple yet cozy. Wooden furniture covered the area, and an old television set was flicked on at the front of the room. The volume was on mute, but the subtitles flew by underneath the screen. The news was coming on; the head anchor broadcasting the story of the ghoul investigation. Interested, Kaneki walked closer, biting his lip as he read the subtitles.

_Around a dozen officials had died last night during the attack and several are still missing,_ the head anchor said. _The body identification process is still undergoing. If you're worried about a loved one, please contact our website. The list of the dead will be posted shortly._

Kaneki could only watch the screen in horror. Why was this happening? Feeling close to tears again, he moved his gaze from the screen to anywhere else. The buzzing was beginning to return between his ears. A distraction was necessary. He could feel the panic ready to burst out of him at the slightest provocation.

He studied the curtains. They were a creamy golden hue, and the sunlight streaming through made them look as if they were glowing. There were two couches against the wall as well. Plush soft pillows next to a full head of yellow-orange hair buried underneath them. A tanned arm had fallen from the couch and extended fingertips grazed the wooden floor.

Kaneki's swallowed his lips. He hadn't even noticed anyone was here. How idiotic of him. How could he worry about not being about to defend himself when he hadn't had the least initiation to check if anyone shared the night with him.

Swallowing his fear, Kaneki pushed down the panic that wanted to arise from throat. Cautiously, he moved a step forward, then another, and another. He crouched down in front of the slender boy whose face was still pressed into the pillow. He could tell it was a human from the scent. After a couple more seconds of silence passed, Kaneki winced in recognition.

That thick yellow-orange hair; now it hung down instead of spiking everywhere. How had he not remembered? The scar on the back of his calf; it was from receiving stitches from a particularly nasty rugby game. The mismatched clothing was now replaced with more professional attire; but it was the same person beneath everything.

"Hide," he murmured.

Everything had fallen into place. Or at least, most of his questions did. It was amazing how significantly Kaneki's heart calmed from noticing his friend. How did he manage to drag Kaneki from the sewers, because he must have passed out by then? He was merely a human. Plus the gates had been thoroughly regulated. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. Only CCG investigators were given access to the routes.

As he relaxed, Kaneki stared at his best friend, who shifted his position slightly to reveal his face. The long round curve of his nose to the long eyelashes made him appear strangely ethereal. His pink-bud lips were gaping open and a line of drool trailed from it. There was light freckles covering his nose that hadn't been there before. His skin was also a few tints darker and more golden from the sun. New scars covered his arms that Kaneki wanted to ask about.

It felt like months since he had last seen him. And now Kaneki was a completely different person. What would Hide think of the new him? The thought made him uncomfortable. The urge to not let Hide see him this way overtook him. He had to leave soon as possible. The panic began to unroot in his stomach again.

Before he could leave, Kaneki couldn't resist a touch. Just to make sure he was real. To make sure this Hide wasn't an illusion. He started by simply caressing his cheek, but the heat from his friend's skin drew him in. He missed warm contact. He forgot that it wasn't always bad.

Nervously, hesitantly, Kaneki slided his hand over Hide's forehead and traced it down his nose and chin. Hide hadn't budged an inch. Deeming it okay to continue, Kaneki grazed over his forehead and ran his hand through Hide's hair. It was unbelievably soft and warm. Hide appeared so innocent in his sleep that Kaneki felt an urge to cry.

Instead he only allowed himself to look. This was the last time they'd meet. It was better to soak it in right now then return later. The emotional attachment he felt to this weak vulnerable human was pitiful and stupid. He should've learned his lesson about keeping attachments to people already. To protect them, it was best for him to stay away.

Almost like a signal that his time was up, Hide stirred under his gaze. Kaneki's stomach twisted painfully. Kaneki pulled back and began to remove himself, when a hand grabbed ahold of his arm. Startled, Kaneki paused, allowing just enough time for Hide to grab his other hand and pull them together.

"Where do you think you're going?" Hide mumbled, his voice husky and his eyes still closed.

Kaneki was shocked and wondered how awake he had been moments earlier. He understood that a response was necessary in this situation, but his voice simply wouldn't work. Besides, how could he possibly convey in words what he was about to do?

Perhaps realizing that Kaneki was in no position to speak, Hide continued with his eyes still closed, "I hope you weren't thinking of leaving, because I'm still drained from dragging you here last night. It was a close call. We're going to have to change bases for a while. Just until everything dies down."

A strange type of ache had spread through Kaneki from his words. He didn't know what to do or say. All he knew was that the urge to speak to him was growing larger. To convey his gratitude. To thank Hide for his unnecessary kindness. It was too bad it'd all go to waste.

"Hide," he murmured softly.

Perhaps it was the tone of his voice, or maybe because it was the first time he had heard Kaneki speak in what felt like forever, but Hide's eyes fluttered open and latched onto his figure. His warm gaze took in all of him and accepted it wordlessly; from his white hair, dull eyes, stiff mouth, and black fingernails.

Hide's hands were gripping Kaneki's arms tight, as if he was worried the half-ghoul would fly away. His rose-bud lips parted then closed again. He looked nervous and finally came up with, "I missed you."

The urge to cry was back. Hide didn't miss him. He missed the old Kaneki who was good and dead now. Only an empty shell of the boy he used to be remained.

"I have to go," Kaneki said and pulled back again. But Hide wasn't having any of it. He held onto the ghoul's arms tightly.

"Where would you go?" Hide asked sourly.

Kaneki looked away. "Anywhere far away would do."

He felt like Hide was burning a hole through his skin with his laser stare. For a moment, he was terrified that Hide saw completely through him and knew exactly what he was planning on doing. But that couldn't be the case, because if he did...he couldn't know… Right?

He was preparing himself for a fight. His muscles tensed and he was sweating. He was sure Hide would call him out on his stupidity. After all, everything was _his_ fault. He deserved to be punished. He deserved to feel pain. He had failed; he couldn't protect everyone. That was his one job. And he _failed_.

Hide reached out and Kaneki flinched, expecting the worst, but was completely taken off guard at the hug. And he wondered why, because back in his old life this was Hide's go to response whenever anything happened to him. But his old life was also infinities away.

His muscles wouldn't respond to the hug; it was simply too strange. Even after he reminded himself that it was just Hide; his body wouldn't relax. Weirdly enough, he didn't think Hide minded. He allowed himself to lean slightly into the pressure. He buried his face in Hide's sweater and breathed in. The aroma of toothpaste, sweat, and vanilla struck his senses. The familiarity comforted him.

"I'd just follow you there, you know that, right?" Hide murmured into his ear.

His stomach muscles clenched painfully. If Hide knew what he was planning, and if he was being completely honest… _No no no_. Hide couldn't be serious. That was exactly what he was trying to avoid. Kaneki was trying hard not to enjoy the warmth of the human around him. He was trying not to enjoy the contact and the bond between them. He was trying not to enjoy the brief solace of the apartment. Because the world was cold and dark, and although it was pleasant inside, this was no longer his place. He belonged with the monsters outside. Hide belonged with the stars.

He didn't notice he was trembling until he felt a hand wrap around the back of his neck and rub little circles on his skin. The additional contact was suddenly too much. He stiffened and his grey eyes bolted. He pulled back; Hide let him. Goosebumps were crawling over his skin, and the accumulation of mass hatred and all things unpleasant had swarmed inside him and melted into his bones. Nothing was right. The world was wrong.

He stood up suddenly. He hadn't been prepared for the rush of gravity swelling his head nor how off-balance he'd be. Backing away from the human, he knocked his shoulder into the wooden dresser. The sharp ache spreading through that area was strangely relieving. It calmed him although he knew in the back of his mind it shouldn't have. Pain was always something he could latch onto. It was salutary. Was that so wrong?

So focused on introspection, he hadn't noticed Hide quickly move over to him, until he was grabbing his arms and holding them apart as if he believed without constraint he'd further hurt himself. Kaneki frowned at Hide, who wasn't looking at his face anyway. Hide's usually carefree face was changed into a serious expression.

It wasn't until Hide gently pushed him onto the sofa when Kaneki noticed the red scratches and blood seeping from the wound. Was that from the dresser? No, that was silly. It must have been from an older wound that had reopened. The oversized shirt he found on himself had blood stains already. Hide must have changed him overnight. Absently, he wondered where his black suit was, as he twisted the edge of the fabric between his fingers.

"Here."

Kaneki turned his head; a pair of hands were holding out a wet cloth. He stared at it and made no sign to move. He heard a sigh and felt the cold thing being pushed into his hands.

"Take your shirt off, and try to clean yourself up a bit." Hide searched through what looked like a first-aid kit.

Kaneki wanted to protest-after all, he would gradually heal on his own-but his voice wouldn't work. It felt like something was stuck in his throat. That thing was probably fear. The fear that Hide would realize he was worthless and another sunbeam would shatter to his feet. To keep the peace, he kept quiet and did as asked.

Hide worked diligently as he cleaned out the wounds with disinfectant before patching it up. Kaneki watched with interested eyes. The automatic hum of the refrigerator, the warmth of Hide next to him, and the pleasant aroma of coffee allowed him to relax back onto the plush sofa. The buzzing in his brain was quieter now; background noise. He was a such mess; how could Hide feel anything less than disgust when looking at him? Kaneki swallowed his lips, and watched his friend working on him.

Hide hadn't said anything about the stare, so he continued. Some feeling had swelled uncomfortably through him, and he couldn't articulate it. So he watched on with cautious eyes.

He had a feeling Hide had noticed the stare a while ago but chose not to comment on it. Once he was finally all patched up, Hide left to put the tools back in the closet. Kaneki felt cold alone on the sofa and absently frowned at the bloodstains he got on the dark fabric.

"Kaneki?"

He turned around. Hide was back.

The tall boy stood with both hands stuffed into his pockets. His posture was lazy, and his wavy golden hair was a mess. However it was his eyes that made Kaneki freeze. Usually molton brown and as open as a book, they were now closed off and almost faraway. Something was bothering him. What could it be?

Kaneki frowned. There was that look seeping into Hide's face. Why was he making Hide look like that? He didn't want to be a burden. It was rather simple to understand, although he didn't want to believe it. Hide was the sun, and Kaneki was dimming his light. He was becoming a useless wall. He needed to get out. So Hide would never make that look again.

He managed to croak out, "Yeah?"

Hide seemed to snap out of his thoughts, because he focused his gaze on Kaneki. "Uh.." he scratched the back of his neck and laughed a little. "I don't know. I just wanted to hear your voice again."

For some reason, Kaneki felt his ears turn pink. "Oh."

"Yeah." Hide coughed. "We could watch a movie or something, if you're up for it. Five days of sleep should be sufficient for a ghoul, I think. But if not-"

"Five days?" Kaneki choked out.

"And seven hours," the taller boy corrected. Hide went to the dresser and searched through the drawers. Kaneki frowned at his hands; so his regeneration capabilities had slowed down. He needed to eat.

"So are you up for it?"

Kaneki looked up and blinked. "Sorry, what?"

"The movies." Hide straightened, having found what he was looking for. He turned around and waved the packs of _Star Trek, Harry Potter_, and _Lord of the Rings_ in the air like matches. "Are you up for it?"

"Sure."

Hide grinned at the response. And all Kaneki wished to do was to return that grin in mirth, but he could only manage a weak yet nonetheless genuine smile.

"Then we're having a marathon."


End file.
